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Museluver's Blog

The general musings of a thirty-something!

… Now What?

This is my past time, I honestly love blogging more than I love most hobbies in my life. It’s the most capable thing left I can do as I’ve recently had quite a rollercoaster time of it. But it’s been beyond character-building and I’ve met some great people along the way and even had some new experiences as a result. This means I’ve had to adjust as though I thoroughly believe in the current climate it’s easy just to give up, now more than ever. But its simply not an option, “get rich or die trying” per sé, well call this “Custer’s Last Stand” as I’m not licked yet. I find myself talking with my family so much more than I used to, my mum’s swell but lets be honest, the dynamic of this house and this family is a cray one, but it’s all very “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”. This means starting to embrace my parents and my ethnic origins a lot-a lot more. I know family is important but it’s only when something like this happens, do you realise just how important. I’m watched football with my dad, Swansea vs Manchester City, then it was Manchester United vs. Arsenal. I’m honestly not a big football fan for I prefer American Football as we all know but it’s all just a pause on life. I’ve never been a die hard, I’ve a life and I’ve had to realise that football is a nice getaway, but its simply not my life, doesn’t pay the bills.

Typical blog
Typical timetable

I tried college again after all of this; the blogs, the enrolling, the course, I loved it all. Unfortunately it all became very real but what can I say. I want to try another bite of the cherry. The support I thought I had has been somewhat flaky so I’ve had to find a new path to my vision. I can be a bit vague and a bit cryptic so I expect people to be a bit more “why?”, “how come?”, but they don’t and so assumption is just too nutty. I believe in “treat people the same way you want to be treated”, but some people just don’t have it in them, the world can be a bit harsh and cut-throat but I don’t know. Real friends can understand surely? Well “my bad”, I think Shrek had a great quote. Great metaphor. How can’t people understand that? That whole “what you see is what you get” isn’t me. I’d prefer a question or two for odds are it’s a GRAVE mistake and overreaction. But we don’t know if we don’t ask. Either way the psychosis of Alexander Adetokunbo Adeboye III Esq (the III Esq is a bad long-running joke, I wish they stood in my name though). Either way got informed of a Richmond AIDjob club“, that’s a nice plan for a Tuesday. I like writing as my blogs show, its simply direction and passion that can fluctuate but I’ve had a bit to sportingly write about now. The fact England’s “Lionesses” are doing well and dumped out the host country… I can’t complain. And “my girl” Kadeisha Buchanan featured in the 2-1 England win, how that hair means she is typically “winning” in my books. Also best. site. EVER!

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Why I chose my team … Seattle Seahawks

Am I a “Reverse Snob”?

Big deal! Big help. They want to start an app, that's all anyone could aim for!
Big deal! Big help. They want to start an app, that’s all anyone could aim for!

I find myself currently on a 131 bus journey on my way back home from St George’s Hospital in Tooting. It’s been educational. A 2pm appointment with Bridges: Stroke Self-Management means I’m IMMENSELY happy to help in any way I personally can, but it’s silly just how much of a labyrinth the hospital was for me. I arrived at 1:30, but ended up 5 minutes late… WTF?!?!?!?? Long story short, I ended up leaving Lucinda happy with myself, offering my services, happy how much progress I’ve made, happy with the booklet they gave me, it meant I could read on other survivors stories. Happy for each and every survivor. I’m not the first and I’m most definitely not the last. I spotted one or two familiar faces in it.

If I had that booklet afterwards, it’d only have helped further. A great booklet, they want to put it into an app or something. Well now at the 111 stop, waiting for said bus ride home. That’ll do. Hopefully I’ll return home to a Packers onesie, or mansie or whatever the hell it’s called. Johnny Manziel‘s first start this weekend… Eventful!

Oh yeah, the reason for this blog… “reverse snob”. I was offered a taxi ride from the hospital. I preferred the bus ride. May be longer, may be louder, but I dunno. Am I that stuck in my ways? I reject the high life, until I move, I don’t know. I’m forever grounded!

This was a mammoth weekend

It’s been a long time coming with a bunch of trials and tribulations but it’s definitely a meaningful one. It’s quite a fact, “people can be their own worst enemy” sometimes. Maybe it’s because I’ve been so wrapped up with how I appear that I haven’t focused fully, only some 50% maybe? Well I went to the London College of Communication in Elephant & Castle open day on Saturday and where I’am in my life it definitely opened my eyes. Also I had an eye “squint surgery” on Tuesday, so that eye opener delivered a certain irony. All the same I really appreciated the journey as they produced a swag of goodies, I learnt what it takes to get into the Sports Journalism course and just how the entire experience will only help me grow as an individual.

Lets no forget the scientific calculators! A friend's girlfriend has the exact same calculator. I didn't steal it! I've had it for over a year now!
Lets not forget the scientific calculators! A friend’s girlfriend has the exact same calculator. I didn’t steal it! I’ve had it for over a year now!

Well I keep saying thanks to H2H for installing the confidence needed in life, it was rocky for a while but it’s a certain degree of “Keep Calm and Carry On”. I may have already blogged about that one, either way I’ve seen just how Sports Journalism is the end goal, but man this Media course is the process. I said it in class, “there are pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses”.

Everyone on the course has already displayed those strengths and weaknesses. I don’t want to singleout any one individual, but the fact is I can see without a shadow of a doubt how it may not be easy, or all that fun all of the time, but there are people there that make it a bit more bearable. I’ve seen some great Instagrams of college work, coupled with Snapchats of a funny nature as well. All in all, those strengths and weaknesses. I always look forward of those Journalism classes – I wonder why – But after going to LCC, I see the goal now, and God-willing I hope to get there.

Loads to be grateful for…

Well I’m on my way home from another day at college and it’s that feeling I had even when I joined H2H, “I’d never have imagined this”. They asked me to try setting up their blog, and it’s swell. Looked into their Facebook and Twitter as well. Well as much as things change, people don’t, like their character no? People should be able to differentiate the two though, right? At least point out concerns and fears without worry as that friendship is worth a damn… Right? I think I may have somewhat “missed the mark” with a number of friends, family members as well, I’m all for not adding drama or tension, but in a way, how wallflower, that’s no fun right? What’s the point of friendship if it’s based on fakery?

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H2H gave me the power and motivation to start at Kingston College. Sucks I can't blog like I used to :\

It’s raining, immensely, we are in England though. I like rain a lot more than people know, yaknow? It’s refreshing after so much dry weather, and it “waters the garden”. Well it’s Maths and then I’ve joined the gym, I like the gym, people are my “tackling fuel”. Though I’m not playing American Football, I still have some pent up aggression I suppose. How great is it that I’ll inevitably appreciate how though I can’t “go back”, certain things from the past can make the present a bit more manageable no?

Twas All In The Drafts (1)

I’m not special and I’m sure I’m one of only some massive number of people that have gone through something big and then go on to think that it’s “all about them”. It’s a scary fact that it’s not the case at all as those feelings of depression, anger, frustration, self-pity are common-place. Personally here to ask “what have you done recently?” Well my life changed and to be honest I don’t know if I “want my old friends back” as it’s like “at least try and fix this as it’s too one way”. I’d like a “fair shake” but until that happens that’s life I’m afraid. I went zig, but they went zag. My contact number is there, I can’t even begin to say how poorly I’ve acted to a bunch as I’ve alienated quite a couple as a result… Silly. But “such is the carousel that is life” I suppose. THEY’RE QUITTERS, not me.

Onwards & upwards and all that jazz folks!

ALWAYS pushing harder and stronger as this situation has taught me how not to live. For this I’ll quickly point out a couple of things that stood me in good stead. I don’t know if anyone following any form of life-issue finds it easy or even possible to “turn it around” but for a number of survivors they got “back on the horse” of their lives. For others its tougher, for others there is literally nothing to go back to and that general feeling of even holding skills on a limited level is tough, so since this happened I’ve self-righted and g0ne down the educational route as though not fun anything beats feeling so helpless as I’m sure other survivors have in the past. The trick is look beyond those first set of doors, look at those possibilities, address those hurdles and accommodate. Personally I’ve looked at Different Strokes, The Stroke Association, work through Ashford Hospital, sites at Richmond Wellbeing, Royal London & Barts Hospital. it’s not all the end of the world, there is help, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be a life like how it was before, but it’s most definitely the best any stroke survivor could possibly hope for as it’s not paralysis on one side of the body or generally feeling like a hopeless sod. I’ve seen the other side of the coin as people have “shut-down”, well though this isn’t me it’s just no better example of “Keep Calm And Carry On“.

Erm…

Head vs Heart - I always hated this game :\
Head vs Heart– I always hated this game :\

I know it’s been a long ol’ while since my last post, I’m sure people are a bit fed up hearing and reading about this stroke but I don’t know. 28 years old, nearly 4 years since this happened – But where’s my “closure moment”? I’ve said about the film Cliffhanger I’m sure but it’s like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place with my “medical inbetweener” situation. Could I call on The Simpsons Movie instead then? Long story short I’m trying but the world is trying – I’m not special, everyone has worries, all I know is I can’t go back even if I wanted to, a place where life was simpler, surviving this has taught me to fight tooth and nail though. It takes stubborn to fight stubborn? I love my friends, I love all the good times we had, but there’s a certain level of would you ever kick it with me? I can’t enjoy the weekends out like I used to, I can’t be on the front foot inviting people out all the time can I? This exact reason I have to accept what my family say, I have to accept my notions, my feelings.

I have in my head a three tier system; friends, family, acquaintances/miscellaneous, people move from one group to another with some frequency nowadays – family is a constant not to take for granted though – as time to think can well and truly suck. This means though my memoir is the start of a beautiful relationship with the written language, “the possibilities are endless”. Even this blog is more for a therapeutic nature, I wouldn’t say no to some notoriety but I’m not holding on hope. This is more to chronicle until I find my notebook (Notebook, not THE Notebook) as thoughts nowadays are definitely an issue, as if they weren’t before?

Everyone will say I’m over thinking things so lets keep this simple, I’ve gone 180° on things at the moment, going the educational route as ‘Britain’s Got Talent‘ gave me unrealistic dreams (guffaw) Either way a bunch of people have to “relearn”, what’s mine after a life-altering event that’s got me meeting and re-meeting people that are still amazing and still a serious matter of “phwoar”? Well I’m going to hyperlink this like I do, but yes, good luck and Godspeed all of you reading this ever ever EVER!

David Moyes, Manchester United, History and Common Sense.

What’s that Metallica song… ‘Sad But True’

A random thought on defenses…

I’m not going to start that whole defence vs defense argument as we all, “most of us”, live in the the 21st century so that means something important. We as human-beings should be “over” it as the reality is that this is a blog entry about American Football, so that means American Football lingo. If I was talking about Football/Soccer, I’d type “defence”, but I’m not, so ‘suck it up people’. I used to watch that argument and actually have an opinion, now I simply scoff and shake my head in derision.

This entry is about one thing and one thing only, and my favourite thing, defense. If you hadn’t already guessed by my constant use of the term. But its the funniest thing as my love for stout defense and a solid running game is no secret. So how I “Back The Pack” is a joke! A poor, unfunny, quite sadistic joke. It goes back to 2000 with Ahman Green, thanks to NFLUK’s Mike Carlson I stole that line “So good, they named the Bay after him”, I soon found out that it was not the case, sad face. Well either way I started realising that though I should be backing the San Francisco 49ers or the Houston Texans, those Green Bay Packers were my team, but one thing jumped off the page when looking at those Packers… Brett Favre.

Though I favour a running game and a solid defense, the moment an NFL franchise has a “franchise QB” it wipes everything underneath the carpet. The Packers “are getting there” with Eddie Lacy (a rookie out of Alabama) running the ball now Aaron Rodgers is down. That nickname for that mobile talisman is franchise QB “A Rod” and he’s missed a big chunk of the 2013 season this means the Packers have had to adapt.

Either way “my” Green Bay Packers are currently 7-6-1 with an obscure draw. Better than a loss, worse than a win… The 21st century NFL draw :\ In time it’ll tell if they can win their final two regular season games against the Pittsburgh Steelers (22/12, 6-8) and then the Chicago Bears (29/12, 8-6). “Win and they’re in”… I love that about the NFL!

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