I know it’s been a long ol’ while since my last post, I’m sure people are a bit fed up hearing and reading about this stroke but I don’t know. 28 years old, nearly 4 years since this happened – But where’s my “closure moment”? I’ve said about the film Cliffhanger I’m sure but it’s like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place with my “medical inbetweener” situation. Could I call on The Simpsons Movie instead then? Long story short I’m trying but the world is trying – I’m not special, everyone has worries, all I know is I can’t go back even if I wanted to, a place where life was simpler, surviving this has taught me to fight tooth and nail though. It takes stubborn to fight stubborn? I love my friends, I love all the good times we had, but there’s a certain level of would you ever kick it with me? I can’t enjoy the weekends out like I used to, I can’t be on the front foot inviting people out all the time can I? This exact reason I have to accept what my family say, I have to accept my notions, my feelings.
I have in my head a three tier system; friends, family, acquaintances/miscellaneous, people move from one group to another with some frequency nowadays – family is a constant not to take for granted though – as time to think can well and truly suck. This means though my memoir is the start of a beautiful relationship with the written language, “the possibilities are endless”. Even this blog is more for a therapeutic nature, I wouldn’t say no to some notoriety but I’m not holding on hope. This is more to chronicle until I find my notebook (Notebook, not THE Notebook) as thoughts nowadays are definitely an issue, as if they weren’t before?
Everyone will say I’m over thinking things so lets keep this simple, I’ve gone 180° on things at the moment, going the educational route as ‘Britain’s Got Talent‘ gave me unrealistic dreams (guffaw) Either way a bunch of people have to “relearn”, what’s mine after a life-altering event that’s got me meeting and re-meeting people that are still amazing and still a serious matter of “phwoar”? Well I’m going to hyperlink this like I do, but yes, good luck and Godspeed all of you reading this ever ever EVER!
I’m not going to start that whole defence vs defense argument as we all, “most of us”, live in the the 21st century so that means something important. We as human-beings should be “over” it as the reality is that this is a blog entry about American Football, so that means American Football lingo. If I was talking about Football/Soccer, I’d type “defence”, but I’m not, so ‘suck it up people’. I used to watch that argument and actually have an opinion, now I simply scoff and shake my head in derision.
This entry is about one thing and one thing only, and my favourite thing, defense. If you hadn’t already guessed by my constant use of the term. But its the funniest thing as my love for stout defense and a solid running game is no secret. So how I “Back The Pack” is a joke! A poor, unfunny, quite sadistic joke. It goes back to 2000 with Ahman Green, thanks to NFLUK’s Mike Carlson I stole that line “So good, they named the Bay after him”, I soon found out that it was not the case, sad face. Well either way I started realising that though I should be backing the San Francisco 49ers or the Houston Texans, those Green Bay Packers were my team, but one thing jumped off the page when looking at those Packers… Brett Favre.
Though I favour a running game and a solid defense, the moment an NFL franchise has a “franchise QB” it wipes everything underneath the carpet. The Packers “are getting there” with Eddie Lacy (a rookie out of Alabama) running the ball now Aaron Rodgers is down. That nickname for that mobile talisman is franchise QB “A Rod” and he’s missed a big chunk of the 2013 season this means the Packers have had to adapt.
Either way “my” Green Bay Packers are currently 7-6-1 with an obscure draw. Better than a loss, worse than a win… The 21st century NFL draw In time it’ll tell if they can win their final two regular season games against the Pittsburgh Steelers (22/12, 6-8) and then the Chicago Bears (29/12, 8-6). “Win and they’re in”… I love that about the NFL!
I only tweeted, Facebook statused, acknowledged, ordered a pizza with the knowledge… I now have reason to appreciate (American) Football now I’ve well an truly into it this season. I’m watching it and its like “Happy Thanksgiving”. I don’t do Turkey or Cranberry Jam, or Stuffing, or Pumpkin Pie etc. Some of the comments on the Metro’s article on U.S. Thanksgiving are just hilarious. The kind of reaction people give when you know they weren’t sitting with anyone that cares for the sport to help talk them through it. Instead, just bag on a sport because its different. I actually felt my IQ go down reading some of the comments, its like everyone is entitled to their opinion, only if its an opinion arrived and suitable for “The Adult Table”, am I that Americanised? *awkward face*
All I know is I’ve loved the Packers for a while, more than any European football team for a while. Vets of my blogs know as “Americanised” as I may become, I’ve always called European Football/Soccer = Football, and then American Football/NFL = American Football. I haven’t fully turned my back on Football, but it doesn’t help itself is all with ticket prices, subscription costs, television rights etc. All too bureaucratic, American Football seems a bit less “merky”. Well Thanksgiving is the age old tradition of three NFL games back-to-back-to-back, from 5:30pm GMT (Greenwich Mean Time) / 1:30pm ET (Eastern Time) until past 1am GMT, I dont care to work out that time, maybe even later.
I was only even interested in that first game and my goodness… The Packers let me down, call me a glory-hunter, call me a “homer for A Rod” but without the aforementioned Aaron Rodgers, the Packers aren’t the same team and are figuratively a pain to do so. I have to actually concentrate on the real world with no beautiful August-February distraction, grr.
This was labelled as the game that could possibly restart Big Blue’s season as if 0-5 was unthinkable, 0-6 was simply crazy-talk. As much as I dislike hyperbole it really was a nutty thought as the Giants are honestly better than this. I personally contribute it all to their Offensive Line, that O-Line that keeps their Quarterback (QB) Eli Manning upright, clean, a master of time in the pocket and master of the pass. But this season has been different, unfortunately tackle David Diehl (WK1), center David Baas (WK2), guard Brandon Mosley (WK3), guard Chris Snee (WK4), and those were the initial knocks, probably more since. The “O-Line’s for Dummy’s” cheatbook would say “never get old together and never get injured together, a lot of a five man O-Line were injured together and now there’s talk of retirement for members of a Pro Bowl O-Line.
I find it hard to ever root for a divisional rival so I thank my mum for teaching me “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”. Well I could say something nice, Brandon Marshall is a serious “Sultan” for his awareness of Personality Disorder. But just to see a divisional rival is never fun, I mean how Gord went with us to Wembley to watch the 49ers (divisional rivals to “his” Cardinals) was mammoth. I like me the American Football but am I self-centred? It was a good game though as England witnessed Tim Tebow’s 1st NFL TD, that Vikings game clearly came too soon as I was still in hospital the week before. Either way this season has to already be seen as “panic button” as yes the Giants are still some 2 or 3 games out of 1st place in a vanilla NFC East. This Giants team may be in an “ok” position though they haven’t won a game. The Bears are currently leading the way as 4-2 vs. 0-6… That’s-that-then as there’s something to ponder.
No “sport” to hide from this fact… I’m brickin’ having to face all of this.
I’m not going to lie, I’m a bit of a geek. With this “geeky attitude” it means I tend to be “on the outside looking in”. Though never bullied as I got on quite well with a few “cool kids” that played sports or had loadsa parties. This “on the fence” scenario means that I wasn’t picked on but I definitely wasn’t accepted. With this Switzerland attitude it means that most things that have happened in my life come with an empathetic and attempted rational thought. Even after suffering a stroke I labelled myself a “medical inbetweener”… Says it all really. Though I know what its like to be in a wheelchair (I borrowed one so I could roll around for roughly five-minutes, even that was a pain – Well done to anyone that has to live in one!), a delta-frame, I’m currently using a walking stick for those densely populated or uneven areas. It all still means that recently I don’t even extend the stick any more than the first or second hole from the top anymore, its just a stub as I’m fine until my friend’s cat jumps down from a window ledge. It all boils down to balance really, everything is fine about me, appearance-wise anyway as my brain may not be as quick-firing as it used to be. Thats another story, this is balance. The kind of anxiety people have when drunk but without the euphoria is how I explain it to people, so when my family and friends are well within their rights to say that I had changed or become rude when I say that certain weekend plans were now effort.
I may act like a right knowitall but I don’t really, I’m as human as anyone else so when people say suck it up or simply don’t take all of this into account as to my frustration. I think one of the scariest things about growing up is admitting whenever I said I Don’t Care that’s when I cared the most but I’d prefer to hide it. I can categorically say that I’ve unknowingly alienated myself from family & friends as a result of this “wake up and smell the coffee” event as the things I stomached clearly acted like somewhat of a volcano. Now I find myself volunteering at the Stroke Associations Survivor Communication Workshop in Uxbridge, going to a conversation group in Wimbledon, get involved with Heritage 2 Health (I run H2H‘s blog – smiley face), a cracking start-up charity that’s all about event days tied with English Heritage & the National Trust, events that prevent others overcoming life-altering situations feeling isolated (ironic). I now go to the gym, I eat right, I don’t live on my gaming console like I used to – So as much as I could be seen as a smiley and positive guy, I’ve clearly now changed a bit.
In documenting my journey it means that certain feelings I initially wrote back in 2011 may not be how I feel at the time of typing this entry. As much as “the book” is all I’ve been bleating about since this happened I simply don’t have much else to live for at the moment. The sad fact about book-writing is how the writing bit is fun, but for a first-time writer that means self-editing and then self-publishing, “hell on earth”. I always liked creative writing in junior school so for me to only explore this passion now is beyond stupid. I have a friend that only recently explored their passion for something, but it was a passion I saw in them since the first time I saw them. “Obviously” after I heard them say what they wanted to do, all I wanted to do was scream “Duh!” – In a supportive-friendly way. Its a sad realisation that life doesn’t always dish out a straight-line, they got there in the end is all that matters. So-so-so happy for them.
I deliberately typing this on the 15/07/2013 and then putting a publication timer on this as I have a surgery to remove the cavernoma that caused the incident. That’s on the 30/07/2013 and in the fear of sounding morbid I don’t know how this is going to play out. I think all that time in a hospital bed means that my outlook may have changed, all of that over-thinking. This means that the “you’ve changed” label is an easy one to dish out but I think its just my tolerance and patience that has changed, peoples lack of consideration could come into review. I’m not going to start stealing or pushing over OAP’s because of this, its just when I used to grin & bare it I can’t anymore. If I’ve upsetted anyone that was never the intention, for that I’m sincere. If I ever did, I apologised within a week so people can take it or leave it really… A lot-A lot of “leaving it” which is a shame but as a form of last will and testament I just want people to know it doesn’t make me “hate them” for it.
Though I’ve turned into a person that swears (in context or in anger. Not every word, that’s “not cricket”), as well as a person that can easily say “hate” (Though I don’t mean it). Isn’t a “life-altering event” meant to make people change for the better? All I know is that I’m happy for every single person that’s touched my life. Be it best friends, mates, acquaintances, or “Facebook Friends”. I always use that Kanye West song as reference for times like this as I mean it… Butterfly Effect. Well this surgery went by without a hitch which was nice be wow, don’t I feel “27 x 2” right now. Something about two brain surgeries in three years. A summer without sport to get my mind off of things, a new season starting, just what the doctor ordered?
Well I currently find myself watching Italy vs Japan in the second Group A match of the day and its seriously more open and gripping than many could have guessed. This means time is just flying by at the “puck drops” at 1am (normally 1:30am). The football means I’m looking up from the screen every now & again so it looks like a 4-3 win for Italy but that scoreline doesn’t tell the story of the 90 minutes, first 30 Japan, then last 15 Italy, half time 2-1 to Japan (ironic of possession I suppose). The second half was Italy back in it but Japan held their own as though on the first foot Italy kept coming back and won it by a nose (a real Horse Racing Photo Finish kind of drama). All of this is simply amazing as though the main course is American Football I’m being spoilt by all of these starters that don’t touch the sides, but are doing a job.
No better example of this than the NBA Finals I mentioned last week, well low and behold its gone to a Game Seven and I can’t quote word for word but some of the quotes I heard as only a Spurs: W, L, W, L, W, L, [Game 7] has produced. I think its part and parcel of being a sports fan when people think the worst of the worst for their team so with this neutral – almost as if a commentator non-bias – this means I come across smug or some fountain of all knowledge when I quote Rocky “It ain’t over till its over”. I love how the Heat felt it as well, as forcing overtime and then taking it. I like how the NBA Finals and the Stanley Cup Finals don’t step on each-others toes as its the “night-day pattern” of an NFL season but its not, well now its puck drop time so here we go.
This flip-flop of NBA & NHL though doesn’t hold a candle to the NFL (in my mind) I said awhile ago how the lack of NFL games makes each game that so much crucial. At 2-1 its Chicago 4-3 Boston and following the puck has always been an issue for me so its in the background as I blog, this is now done so I think I’ll try and watch the 3rd period. We’ll see if my Saturday is an upbeat one as Game 7 in the NBA tomorrow (Thursday night/Friday morning). I’m seriously geared up for basketball now, when that’s finished it’ll most likely be the same for Ice Hockey as well, and the Confederations Cup isn’t too bad either as it looks like Brazil will play Spain in the Final on so Neymar will get a taster of Spanish Football.
This took me a while so I find myself in Overtime… This is the 3rd overtime now, lets go Bruins, 5-5 as well… Woah! – And just about to submit it… 6-5 overtime loss… DANG IT! – Well done Blackhawks! Major respect to my favourite WWE wrestler if I had to choose CM Punk, I suppose 😥
It shows how much I’m “jonesing” for the NFL, I agreed to watch my least favourite North American Sport out of the big hitters (NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA) but long story short I thought why not? Its good I had this attitude coupled with a I’ll try anything once (WITHIN REASON!) as though I don’t love basketball I never said I didn’t like it/”hated it”. I merely can’t stress enough how other sports overtake my time. I know a little bit about basketball so finding things to talk about over Game 4 last night was a cinch. I jokingly say with my knowledge on NFL and “Nav”s with NBA makes this stretch feel like a student exchange programme. With my little but capable knowledge it means Nav would (I’m not going to speak for him) most likely say that I could be a UK based sports presenter (BBC or Channel 4 sign me up? :p), I could say the same for Nav.
I say the best way to learn a sport is either sitting in the company of a knowledgeable soul or the way I prefer is picking up a video game, the series is at 2-2 makes now the time. I already knew a fair bit about the NBA so it was never an issue, it was more the attention span as though it really is some end-to-end stuff it had this feeling of not hard-hitting enough. This is where the basketball fans argue that statement until they’re blue in the face, but I simply say everyone is entitled their opinion and unless a harm to themselves or others the gloves come off as the realms of possibility and thought are limitless. I know someone through my mates’ British American Football Team with quite “an opinion” of the sport but each to their own again I suppose.
Say if my opinion is greater or lesser than those individuals fortunate enough to have watched the man play on television or more so those that shared a stadium to view. The Los Angeles Rams (1961-1971), San Diego “Super” Chargers (1972-1973), and Washington Redskins (1974) were fortunate to “have” him, a career that spanned 13 seasons that gained him notoriety as “The Secretary Of Defense”. All of this people could find out in a wikipedia entry so let me break it down to something a bit more personal.
All my life I’ve preferred defence/defense (or D-Fence, I can’t find “the scene” but Any Given Sunday FTW), in the football/soccer terms when everyone was running playing football in the roads or in the school playground screaming “A” I was screaming “B”. How often I heard “I’m Eric Cantona”, “I’m Alan Shearer”, “I’m Chris Sutton” (ok, no-one screamed that), I can honestly say I was thinking “I’m Steve Bruce”, “I’m Gary Pallister”, “I’m Paul Parker”. Don’t get me wrong, we could go into a real “Sigmund Freud” about it but for the case of this blog it means I value that side of the game more than most. Translating Football/Soccer to Football/American Football and it means so much more as any player though favourited for their attributes they mean more as the individual “football” position calls for the best of the best. To think Deacon Jones retired from the NFL a good 12 years before I was born (1986), didn’t play for any of the teams I’m fond of and one relocated to St Louis for goodness sake. But when talking NFL defenses you better mention Deacon Jones as that is simply a name that can’t be ignored as time and time again it comes up in Top 10 Lists when talking about pass rushers. If sport bores you that much, take into account how people don’t need to appreciate any sport to know something about a sports person, if people look hard enough.
In this case I used to watch G vs. E (Good vs Evil), I’m not going to say it was the greatest programme ever as it wasn’t but in my teen years played “a part”. To think as a boss (BAWS) agent to two field agents on the side of Good, all very “blah-blah-blah” but just know that even acting as a boss, he was angry but I can’t help but think of (WARNING: naughty words) 21 Jump Street again. Either way all of this means though I never watched Deacon Jones play, I’ve seen him act, I’ve seen Top 10 Lists, I’ve heard/read great things, it all means that even this simpleton can applaud his life and simply say thank you Deacon Jones.
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