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Museluver's Blog

The general musings of a thirty-year old!

A long time comin’… What’s brought me back?

This is one of those horrible moments when you look in the mirror and realise an inconvenient truth. The world doesn’t have your heart or your beliefs, hope and trust, instead it can kind of exploit and make you feel small if you let it. Well there’s two ways of going about this as either one way is:

a) Those saying “You have my curiosity, but now you have my attention“.
b) Those saying “duh” well then go away.

In all honesty lets get to it as I made plans to meet up with a friend in Euston and it all got a bit surreal as some people are just so used to their own world and their own surroundings as it was all just a bit too much as on the way to the train station I had to get on a bus and it was a real surprise when just standing in that bay I stood next to a guy and maybe it was because I may have mumbled a sorry if standing in the way of the guy but the guy reacted by trying to push me over. I’m a lover not a fighter but I genuinely felt like the guy didn’t know about the journey I’d so I politely showed him and gave him the nice line “have a nice day”… I thank Mick Foley for that one.

When I finally got to the tube station I made myself up the stairs and with a luggage bag somebody asks if I needed a hand. Well at least the kindness of strangers was alive and well. There are certain beliefs that I have always implemented and one is do good things and good things will in essence happen to you, its tougher to live by as each day goes by but I do still believe it.

I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

I never explored it until recently. I like having a
I never explored it until recently. I like having a “backup” country 😉

As much as I went to Nigeria to visit faaaaaaaaaamily, I simply can’t travel 3110 miles every day. I have to record videos and take pictures as there’s something about family-ties. They push you, they hold you back, there’s just always more to them than what first appear. The ultimate transformers, robots in disguise? Well I’m back as a visit was a visit, due back in Xmas. Dual Nationality is kinda sexy *bad joke*, fun all the same. I never flaunted my dual nationality until lately but I don’t know. Unless an ethnic minority, I just don’t know if people fully understand. I’m as passive as they come. Maybe a bit too passive but I refuse to ever play “the race card”, never been my thing. People that know me, know that. It’s a personal baggage people have. People just have to think positively and somewhat ignore the noise, a lot-a lot of noise. Trick is, you just have to be accessable for change. When I hear negative comments like “I’m too old” or “I’m too young”, or “I’m not the right race”. Unless told bluntly, do what I do… Ignore it and rise above it. You have to. All noise. Coming to this conclusion has taken a while.

Got a great read on a book my dad lent me called ‘The Magic Of Thinking BIG‘. It’s the kind of book that merely soothes the metaphorical edges of my life, also I may just learn an extra thing or two along the way. Any Nigerian that has been to Nigeria, dual national or not will know just how though it’s a different speed, I’m happy all the same that I’m a man of dual nationality, Got a great picture for inspiration, can’t fly 3110 miles each day I’m afraid. Well typing all the same and I’ll be honest, it’s far too good as it says thinking like that is clearly bad. I accept that, I believe that. It was a nice study room read all the same, read a book on Sports Journalism as well. I read Scott Pilgrim vs. The World as well. Loved the film. It didn’t make my list but it was epic. Either way that whole concept sat with me SO WELL and I think if people haven’t already seen it, do so. Either way I may just watch it tonight. Well now I’m thinking I seriously need to look toward certain things, it’s hard as I dwell and that sucks. Something about this house, I feel really logey. Taught a friend about that with the definition “the opposite feeling reading a book gives you”.

Well now looking forward to a creative writing course at RAAC which starts next month, otherwise fix my tablet (so many blogs on that thing), well can’t stop until I’m dead, even being a stroke survivor. A great BBC Three documentary aired recently about one brain injury survivor from a skiing trip, insightful.

2015 Anniversary Games…

Well this is a fantastic occasion, thanks to the work I do through various charities and the blogging experience I’ve picked up over the years, thanks to Richmond Aid they snagged a group of us to watch the event. The general feel good euphoria of the Paralympics all came flooding back, the able bodied games happened on the Saturday, so this is my Sunday. I genuinely can’t wait for this, those Superhumans! I saw a great Spirit Science message about my personal passion to write, well it was about any ambitions any human being has, it just sat well with me. 

Well this is the first bit of the blog, now bed then my Sunday begins.

… Now What?

This is my past time, I honestly love blogging more than I love most hobbies in my life. It’s the most capable thing left I can do as I’ve recently had quite a rollercoaster time of it. But it’s been beyond character-building and I’ve met some great people along the way and even had some new experiences as a result. This means I’ve had to adjust as though I thoroughly believe in the current climate it’s easy just to give up, now more than ever. But its simply not an option, “get rich or die trying” per sé, well call this “Custer’s Last Stand” as I’m not licked yet. I find myself talking with my family so much more than I used to, my mum’s swell but lets be honest, the dynamic of this house and this family is a cray one, but it’s all very “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”. This means starting to embrace my parents and my ethnic origins a lot-a lot more. I know family is important but it’s only when something like this happens, do you realise just how important. I’m watched football with my dad, Swansea vs Manchester City, then it was Manchester United vs. Arsenal. I’m honestly not a big football fan for I prefer American Football as we all know but it’s all just a pause on life. I’ve never been a die hard, I’ve a life and I’ve had to realise that football is a nice getaway, but its simply not my life, doesn’t pay the bills.

Typical blog
Typical timetable

I tried college again after all of this; the blogs, the enrolling, the course, I loved it all. Unfortunately it all became very real but what can I say. I want to try another bite of the cherry. The support I thought I had has been somewhat flaky so I’ve had to find a new path to my vision. I can be a bit vague and a bit cryptic so I expect people to be a bit more “why?”, “how come?”, but they don’t and so assumption is just too nutty. I believe in “treat people the same way you want to be treated”, but some people just don’t have it in them, the world can be a bit harsh and cut-throat but I don’t know. Real friends can understand surely? Well “my bad”, I think Shrek had a great quote. Great metaphor. How can’t people understand that? That whole “what you see is what you get” isn’t me. I’d prefer a question or two for odds are it’s a GRAVE mistake and overreaction. But we don’t know if we don’t ask. Either way the psychosis of Alexander Adetokunbo Adeboye III Esq (the III Esq is a bad long-running joke, I wish they stood in my name though). Either way got informed of a Richmond AIDjob club“, that’s a nice plan for a Tuesday. I like writing as my blogs show, its simply direction and passion that can fluctuate but I’ve had a bit to sportingly write about now. The fact England’s “Lionesses” are doing well and dumped out the host country… I can’t complain. And “my girl” Kadeisha Buchanan featured in the 2-1 England win, how that hair means she is typically “winning” in my books. Also best. site. EVER!

Why I chose my team … Seattle Seahawks

Am I a “Reverse Snob”?

Big deal! Big help. They want to start an app, that's all anyone could aim for!
Big deal! Big help. They want to start an app, that’s all anyone could aim for!

I find myself currently on a 131 bus journey on my way back home from St George’s Hospital in Tooting. It’s been educational. A 2pm appointment with Bridges: Stroke Self-Management means I’m IMMENSELY happy to help in any way I personally can, but it’s silly just how much of a labyrinth the hospital was for me. I arrived at 1:30, but ended up 5 minutes late… WTF?!?!?!?? Long story short, I ended up leaving Lucinda happy with myself, offering my services, happy how much progress I’ve made, happy with the booklet they gave me, it meant I could read on other survivors stories. Happy for each and every survivor. I’m not the first and I’m most definitely not the last. I spotted one or two familiar faces in it.

If I had that booklet afterwards, it’d only have helped further. A great booklet, they want to put it into an app or something. Well now at the 111 stop, waiting for said bus ride home. That’ll do. Hopefully I’ll return home to a Packers onesie, or mansie or whatever the hell it’s called. Johnny Manziel‘s first start this weekend… Eventful!

Oh yeah, the reason for this blog… “reverse snob”. I was offered a taxi ride from the hospital. I preferred the bus ride. May be longer, may be louder, but I dunno. Am I that stuck in my ways? I reject the high life, until I move, I don’t know. I’m forever grounded!

This was a mammoth weekend

It’s been a long time coming with a bunch of trials and tribulations but it’s definitely a meaningful one. It’s quite a fact, “people can be their own worst enemy” sometimes. Maybe it’s because I’ve been so wrapped up with how I appear that I haven’t focused fully, only some 50% maybe? Well I went to the London College of Communication in Elephant & Castle open day on Saturday and where I’am in my life it definitely opened my eyes. Also I had an eye “squint surgery” on Tuesday, so that eye opener delivered a certain irony. All the same I really appreciated the journey as they produced a swag of goodies, I learnt what it takes to get into the Sports Journalism course and just how the entire experience will only help me grow as an individual.

Lets no forget the scientific calculators! A friend's girlfriend has the exact same calculator. I didn't steal it! I've had it for over a year now!
Lets not forget the scientific calculators! A friend’s girlfriend has the exact same calculator. I didn’t steal it! I’ve had it for over a year now!

Well I keep saying thanks to H2H for installing the confidence needed in life, it was rocky for a while but it’s a certain degree of “Keep Calm and Carry On”. I may have already blogged about that one, either way I’ve seen just how Sports Journalism is the end goal, but man this Media course is the process. I said it in class, “there are pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses”.

Everyone on the course has already displayed those strengths and weaknesses. I don’t want to singleout any one individual, but the fact is I can see without a shadow of a doubt how it may not be easy, or all that fun all of the time, but there are people there that make it a bit more bearable. I’ve seen some great Instagrams of college work, coupled with Snapchats of a funny nature as well. All in all, those strengths and weaknesses. I always look forward of those Journalism classes – I wonder why – But after going to LCC, I see the goal now, and God-willing I hope to get there.

Loads to be grateful for…

Well I’m on my way home from another day at college and it’s that feeling I had even when I joined H2H, “I’d never have imagined this”. They asked me to try setting up their blog, and it’s swell. Looked into their Facebook and Twitter as well. Well as much as things change, people don’t, like their character no? People should be able to differentiate the two though, right? At least point out concerns and fears without worry as that friendship is worth a damn… Right? I think I may have somewhat “missed the mark” with a number of friends, family members as well, I’m all for not adding drama or tension, but in a way, how wallflower, that’s no fun right? What’s the point of friendship if it’s based on fakery?

image
H2H gave me the power and motivation to start at Kingston College. Sucks I can't blog like I used to :\

It’s raining, immensely, we are in England though. I like rain a lot more than people know, yaknow? It’s refreshing after so much dry weather, and it “waters the garden”. Well it’s Maths and then I’ve joined the gym, I like the gym, people are my “tackling fuel”. Though I’m not playing American Football, I still have some pent up aggression I suppose. How great is it that I’ll inevitably appreciate how though I can’t “go back”, certain things from the past can make the present a bit more manageable no?

Twas All In The Drafts (1)

I’m not special and I’m sure I’m one of only some massive number of people that have gone through something big and then go on to think that it’s “all about them”. It’s a scary fact that it’s not the case at all as those feelings of depression, anger, frustration, self-pity are common-place. Personally here to ask “what have you done recently?” Well my life changed and to be honest I don’t know if I “want my old friends back” as it’s like “at least try and fix this as it’s too one way”. I’d like a “fair shake” but until that happens that’s life I’m afraid. I went zig, but they went zag. My contact number is there, I can’t even begin to say how poorly I’ve acted to a bunch as I’ve alienated quite a couple as a result… Silly. But “such is the carousel that is life” I suppose. THEY’RE QUITTERS, not me.

Onwards & upwards and all that jazz folks!

ALWAYS pushing harder and stronger as this situation has taught me how not to live. For this I’ll quickly point out a couple of things that stood me in good stead. I don’t know if anyone following any form of life-issue finds it easy or even possible to “turn it around” but for a number of survivors they got “back on the horse” of their lives. For others its tougher, for others there is literally nothing to go back to and that general feeling of even holding skills on a limited level is tough, so since this happened I’ve self-righted and g0ne down the educational route as though not fun anything beats feeling so helpless as I’m sure other survivors have in the past. The trick is look beyond those first set of doors, look at those possibilities, address those hurdles and accommodate. Personally I’ve looked at Different Strokes, The Stroke Association, work through Ashford Hospital, sites at Richmond Wellbeing, Royal London & Barts Hospital. it’s not all the end of the world, there is help, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be a life like how it was before, but it’s most definitely the best any stroke survivor could possibly hope for as it’s not paralysis on one side of the body or generally feeling like a hopeless sod. I’ve seen the other side of the coin as people have “shut-down”, well though this isn’t me it’s just no better example of “Keep Calm And Carry On“.

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